All my clothes are dirty. When you only have a pair of jeans, three shirts, a skirt, and a pair of shoes, there’s a high probability everything will end up dirty before I get around to doing my laundry. As I have falsely lamented in the past, I literally have nothing to wear. I am stranded in my room, in a towel, at the mercy of the washing machine. This is a perfect time to reflect on my journey thus far.
Before I started, I was sure this was going to be absolute torture. Wearing only 7 articles of clothing seemed like it was going to be a huge sacrifice, and I would end up daydreaming at length about what I would wear whenever Lent is over. That hasn’t been the case at all. My clothing fast has given me more a sense of freedom than sacrifice. I feel free from the need to impress people. I feel free from the decision of “what to wear”. I feel free from discontentment. What I didn’t expect is how God would use this fast to make me painfully aware of my own sin. I have seen that I am prideful, selfish, impatient, and most recently self-righteous.
I purged my closet this week. I went through my 253 items of clothing (yeah I counted), and chose a portion to give away. (Side note: Can we talk about the fact that I had 43 t-shirts? How does that even happen!?) I packed all my items up and took them with me to the Catholic Charities Clothing Closet, where I volunteered to serve this week. The Clothing Closet offers a place where people can come to get clothing items they need. They usually provide an outfit (pants, shirt, socks, underwear), toiletries, and any other miscellaneous items a person may need at the time (jacket, shoes, belt, etc). I started my day by helping to fill a few clothing orders. The men I helped were so kind and grateful. What I was doing felt important. I kept thinking about Matthew 25.
“Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.”
I was clothing Jesus by serving these men.
As it slowed down a bit, I switched to sorting clothes that had been brought in as donations. One of the other volunteers told me they have to be a little picky with what they choose to keep because they want to find things to best meet the needs of their clients. So I started sorting…..and this is when my self-righteousness flared up. I was appalled at some of the things people had donated. There was clothing with holes, stains, and covered in dust and animal fur. There were also items donated that would have no use to most people, like vests with cats on them. I even found a pair of used underwear in one of the bags. I was frustrated. Didn’t these people consider the people who would be receiving these clothes? Didn’t they think at all about what needs they would have? Didn’t they realize they were donating clothes to people, not an organization? Then, I had to sort the clothes I had brought….
And I realized, I hadn’t considered the people who would be receiving these clothes. I hadn’t thought about their needs. I had donated these clothes to Catholic Charities, not to the men and women who would be receiving them. I had just gone through my closet in an effort to get rid of excess. I wanted to purge the things I no longer use or need. I had gotten rid of things, purely to get rid of them. In about 3 seconds my fat, self-righteous bubble popped.
I don’t think it’s wrong to give away things we don’t need or can’t fit into anymore. I think it’s a great use of resources to reuse unwanted clothes for a good purpose. But when we forget to consider the people whom we are donating to, we lose sight of the bigger picture. People are important. I think one of the most important lessons Jesus taught us is to notice people. He noticed Zacchaeus up in the tree. He noticed the woman who touched the hem of His garment. He noticed thieves and prostitutes, tax collectors and Pharisees. He saw everyone, because to Him, everyone is important.
It was easier for me to see the people I was helping when they were right in front of me. I should have been praying for the people who would receive the clothes I was donating. I should have been thinking about their needs as I was putting clothes in the bag. I should have been considering I was clothing Jesus with the clothes I was pulling out of my closet.
“Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.” Blessed Mother Teresa
Learning From Flowers 